Fell off the horse for a few days. In so many more ways than this silly one. Dealing with harfing and barfing and whooping little children - things coming out of every which end. And athletics and changing the keys of the songs relatively last minute - which isn’t that big of a deal - you roll and you deal - but maybe I’ve always pretended it’s a big deal.
SM and I worked on her being able to tune her violin tonight. Showed her how to use my tuner app on my iPhone. She has met all of her Suzuki goals for the entire year. Went to the library. Got Andy’s custard-amazing. Brewster is returning to Animal Crossing, which lit up my eyes a bit, and even those of my jaded teenager.
Thinking: Why am I so averse to making changes of any kind? Even changes of mind. Changing one’s mind is something other people do - not something I do. I get a physical revulsion feeling when I consider making changes. It’s like this: I made a choice to do any given thing a certain way - or made a commitment to a certain organization or activity or person, or whatever - it could be anything at all - big or small. And now that I’ve made that choice, I must clutch to it with my entire person - because that’s who I am, somehow. It IS essentially my identity - the person who is committed and loyal.
Now, I know that last paragraph sounded dramatic, but don’t go reading much into it. Just some self exploration and excavation is all.